so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
