You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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