Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
