woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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