Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
