a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
