there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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