You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
