When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
