Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
