he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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