so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
