I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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