he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
