I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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