opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Randomize
