I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
