I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Randomize
