He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
