You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
