What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
