I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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