I just threw up on my dentist
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
