She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize