Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
