Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
COCAINE IS GR8
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
