he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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