It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
