Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
