the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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