For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
