coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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