Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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