Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
