Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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