my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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