I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
