you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
