I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
