I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize