Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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