this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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