so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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