i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
