why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
