Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
