I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Randomize
