i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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