I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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