do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
