I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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