I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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