I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
