How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
All I want is dick and wine.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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