We need to rekindle our bromance
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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