There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
