No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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