I'm really into asian looking animals
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
