I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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