Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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