your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
