Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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