I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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