Porn is love you can see.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
