3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize