Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
