talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
