I wanna bring you to show and tell
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
