Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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