First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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