I don't usually arrange sex via text message
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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