Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
