no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize