I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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