My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
